One day I’ll move to a place where men aren’t midgets and women aren’t all 4 feet tall. While shopping for shoes today (and not finding any might I add), it occurred to me why you don’t ever see trannies frequenting shoe boutiques here. I tried on a couple of sandals and became acutely aware of how manly my legs are. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - if I were male, I’d be stealing ALL. YOUR. GIRLFRIENDS.

Despite the labels on them, shoes sold in shops here aren’t made by Chinese factories - they’re made by elves because that’s all the sizes available. Size 9s are unheard of and - believe me - you’ve never seen a smaller size 9 in your life until you frequent an Asian shoe retailer. I own a pair of size 7 Hush Puppies ladies shoes but I can’t fit into a size 9 Charles and Keith shoe. Heck, I couldn’t even hook up those fancy ankle-loops they have on shoes these days  because the shoemaking elves got it in their heads that people with fat ankles don’t exist. And let’s not forget how ridiculously high heels are these days. If I wanted to wear 5 inch heels, I’d learn to stilt walk. (by the way, stilt-walking is one of the dumbest circus skills around in my opinion because it’s boring. Unless you’re stilt-walking on rods of fire.)

I need a pair of shoes.

Patrick Dempsey is hot because he juggles. I wish I had a hot boyfriend who’s talented in juggling too (keywords being ‘hot’ and ‘talented’).

Ever wondered why the new version transforms to a gun (phallic object alert)? Here’s 4 reasons why Megatron’s really Megaytron.

I won these:

I have no bicycle.

Anyone wants to buy them off me?

 Spoiler Alert - Don’t read on if you intend to watch the movie. Actually maybe you should read on and NOT watch the movie.

We had a screening for the new Indy movie today. Admittedly I’ve not watched any of the prior Indy movies and the only Indy offering I’ve been exposed to was Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis. It was a great game with smart, funny writing typical of LucasArts games and I had assumed the same captivating plot to have been characteristic of the movies.

So today was the first Indy movie I’ve watched.

First Grouse:  Shia LeBeouf

I wish I weren’t so superficial but well, like I’ve said tons of times before, if I wanted to watch regular Joes, I’d sit on a bench in the park. When I watch movies, I expect leading men to be fantasy material, not uh… like that.

Second Grouse: Father-Son sub-plot 

“Luke, I’m your father.”

Sounds familiar? Hell yes, because that’s what happens in this show. Rebel son finds out that -gasp- overaged hero is actually his father!

Third Grouse: Elderly Kissing Scene

When done right, old people kissing in movies can be considered artistic or loving or cute or all of the above. If it’s done expertly, the audience gets a warm fuzzy feeling.

Yes, unfortunately for all of our eyes, Indiana Jones get a full french exercise here and it makes you uncomfortable in your seat; the same sort of feeling you get when you’re 10 and stumble accidentally into your friend’s grandparents’ room when they are having sex. You feel dirty watching them. Now go rinse your eyes.

 Fourth Grouse: Skull Can Be Found at Souvenir Shops - at $5.99

For a big budget movie, you’d think that they could have engaged Swarovski to carve some pretty skull prop for use. Instead, the star of the show is a glass/plastic-looking lump that won’t look too lost in a rip-off souvenir counter. You can almost imagine one of them being a free gift if you subscribe to a year’s worth of Readers’ Digest.

Fifth Grouse: Shameless Reuse of Movie Plots

Skull shaped like in Aliens.

Alien lifeform that belongs to ET

UFO that came from Independence Day

Crazy natives that speak ancient languages which is a staple of many other shows

The list goes on.

Sixth Grouse: Very VERY bad writing

Between the many age-related jokes that Shia cracks (I can’t even remember his name in the show!)  and the I’m-old-but-knowledgeable dialogue lines, I can’t decide what’s worse.

BORING.

Tomorrow, I’ve a ride.

It’s at Pulau Ubin, which is in the middle of nowhere. Really. It’s an island that belongs to Singapore which is turn is assumed to be an island because no one really goes to the other islands apart from the main island anyway. That doesn’t even make sense.

We went to check the place out last week.

It had rocks.  Like really BIG ROCKS.

And there were slopes. Like really steep uphill slopes.

And on some of these slopes, there were those big rocks. And some paths were 1-person wide. And I won’t ever try out the place on a regular bicycle because I’ve some sort of phobia about handlebars slamming into me.

For some reason, I’m psyched. In a crazy sort of way. I hope the goodie bag is worth it.

Kee still owes me money.

Between now and 6th of June, I need to get 7 articles in (minimum). Which means I’ll need to average about 2 a week if you consider the periods of time between now and then that I’d be away for.  Not that bad except I’ve TONS of other stuff to do as well.

The thing about me - and possibly what makes me a good juggler or even why I’m remotely interested in juggling - is that I take sadistic joy in taking up more than I can handle. It’s sort of satisfying when you clear whole to-do lists. Of course, that is, if that DOES happen to begin with.

I wish I didn’t need as much sleep to clear my head. And I wish I’m not as incoherent as I am when I lack sleep.

There’s still half a year more of 2008 to go. I’m getting the hang of managing my time and streamlining work into a process. Process is good. It saves me time. But it’s boring. And boring is bad.

————

I signed up for a subscription to Bicycling magazine. I intend to acquire National Geographic and one or two copies of other mags as well - not necessarily all at once because I’m REALLY not rich enough to do that.

Let’s see how much I can get done by the end of May.

Sounds like a plan.

So the countdown begins.

In a year’s time, I want to be doing something completely different. Radical. Moving away from a comfort zone. There will be a plan and the planning starts now.

I’m psyched.

You’ll find out.

It’s an encouraging sign surely but I wish the products weren’t this embarrassing. It’s rare enough that Carrefour now sells unicycles but today, I saw that Watson’s sells impossible wheel clones.

It’s called a Magic Wheel and apparently, in the time I spent living under a rock, it became the ‘latest craze’ to hit town. They sell for $349.

This is my BC wheel.

I’d sell it to you for $150.

Here’s a Magic Wheel video.

Here’s an Impossible Wheel video.

I actually tried out the Magic Wheel at the shop, in the middle of the mall. I got thrown forward because the wheel at the back got in the way and steered me off balance. It weighs over 6kg (more than my 20″ unicycle), feels its weight and is basically a road bike wheel with a heavy piece of plastic in the center.

The day they start hosting ‘competitions’ for these things would be the day I turn up with my BC wheel, HOP UP ONE CURB and win trophies (and preferably prize money).

I read somewhere that if you got a male and a female to draw a bicycle, you’d end up with vastly different interpretations - males, supposedly, would pay more attention to the mechanisms of how a bike works and however ugly it is, it’d still look like it could function. Most females, on the other hand, would have pictures where the gears and the pedals don’t look right at all.

The above bike is a limited edition item; a collaboration between DC shoes and SE Bikes (whatever that is).

Notice how the seatpost seems to connect to the gears.

More pics here.

p.s: Sorry about the incoherance. Very sleepy.

I live in a 4-room flat with my parents. Just the three of us.

We have three CRT TVs in the house, two of them side-by-side in the living room. It’s overkill, I feel and these aren’t big TVs either (by today’s standards, meaning <30″).  Some months back, one of my aunts had asked if we wanted to take in their larger CRT TV. We didn’t because it’d be nuts to have 4 TVs in the house. Slightly more recent, I was asked if I wanted a 29″ CRT TV. Again, no.

Three days ago, the largest TV in my house decided not to display greens. We’re now watching TV in various shades of magenta and yellow. Yesterday, my mom decided that the lack of proper colors was annoying and decided to switch to watching the other TV (conveniently located beside it). Some hours later, it blew up, smoke and all.

As ironic as it is, we’re now down to ONE TV once again and my dad’s going to move it out to the living room tomorrow. He volunteered to get me a flatscreen one so I have more table space for my consoles.

Interesting.

I went to a gym today. The main crowd consists of thirty-something yuppies whose main interest is to check out themselves in the mirrors conveniently located in front of the exercise equipment.  I don’t believe this to be unique to just the gym I went to and that it happens to be located in prime business district makes the situation more obvious.

Take the guy warming up at the stretching corner with us. His main interest, apart from crunches was to arrange his hair, possibly so some hot guy would hit on him.

He might get lucky.

I dropped by a capoeira class in session. It was hugely altered to resemble a fitness routine except that most of the students probably felt it authentic enough to carry on in it. It’s good exercise, no doubt, but much of the routine was done at a speed that’s actually damaging to your hamstring. Still, the students were happy. No pain no gain eh?

The most memorable part of the visit happened actually at the weights area. This stocky guy with a ponytail (the arty sort) was lifting weights and making orgasmic noises. It wasn’t a soft whimpering girly sort of sound either but a bear sex sort of grunt. Over and over and over and over and over. LOUD.

He probably won’t get lucky.

NOTE: I’d like to add that I HAVE tried to find a good YouTube video of gay bear sex but apparently ‘bear sex’ churns out actual videos of fuzzy brown bears having sex on YouTube. And after enduring a couple of bear sex vids (the hairy men variety) to no avail since all of them have the sound replaced by cheesy dance music, I give up. For the record, I’m pretty much put off sex for the rest of my life thanks to the sights. 

This is sort of funny.

Kee (who thinks I’m hot) and I are gonna take part in a mountain bike race on this new dirt bike track. On unicycles.

Which in theory sounds fun.

After signing up, I thought I’d google for photos.

MSN log

YuaNWA says:
eh you got pics of the hentam ketam thingy?

JH- Is running away with the circus says:
go google

YuaNWA says:
google doesn’t have it

JH- Is running away with the circus says:
http://eaglet.org/gallery/view_comments.php?set_albumName=album24

YuaNWA says:
WTF THAT’S LIKE ROCK!
And they say spontaneity is rare.

Hey Kee, Alice

Thanks for the birthday present. I’m flattered you think my ass is that small though because I can’t fit into the bottoms (no, seriously.)

But because you (ie. Kee) asked for it, enjoy the imagery.

Here’s Freddie Ljungberg. He’s a football star and he looks hot in this photo because he’s got a good (sweaty) body, a tattoo that hints at his wild side (hey, it’s a panther) and the obligatory manly man pose that shows off his biceps.

It’s also a great photo because he’s staring in your direction intently as if challenging you to take off those briefs. Which you’d feel tempted to because with all that sweat he’s drenched in, you’d imagine those shorts to be soaked and uncomfortable.

Yup, the ad sells underwear alright.

To girls mainly.

And then there’s Beckham.

.

.

.

“Gee I wonder where it is.”